Menstrual Pad's and Pineapple's

It all started with a shower. It's always in the shower that I think of the latest blog topic. I must have mulled over at least 30 different topics throughout the past few days, but I've been too lazy to actually write anything. I call it summer laziness (it exists - just like summer love, summer flings, and uh, summer vacation). Just yesterday night, I woke up while dreaming and sent myself a text message - as only a loser like myself would do: "Sometimes I think the spoken word is more intimate and beautiful than anything a silent body can express. But this is only sometimes. And usually the body involved is a corpse." I don't know what I dreamed about that night, but it must have either involved the words "I love you" or dead bodies.

I was very productive today. I woke up, watched TV for several hours, and ate to my heart's content. I've realized that today I followed a man's philosophy: eat, sleep, and play. But I did have a very interesting conversation with some friends after those three previously mentioned tiring activities. We realized yet again that we were one of the most dysfunctional, dynamic duos ever known to mankind. I told my best friend that I'll compose a list of the strange things that have occurred with her someday. Some of these things include (but are definitely not limited to):
1. We saw a guy walk into the girl's bathroom. And run out.
2. She has slipped on throw up in a Macy's dressing room.
3. I have driven into a wall and hit a parked car while she was in the passenger seat.
4. She has wiped gum of her shoe with a menstrual pad in my handbag.
5. We have gotten stuck in an elevator together.
6. She has spewed liquid on my face from her mouth while laughing at what I said. Twice (one of those times involved today).
7. GPS has failed on us while we were three hours away from home.
8. I have painted her nails with nail polish from a Dunkin Donuts floor (yes, that was today).

I went to Safeway with my sister later that evening (after dropping by Kohl's so my sister could buy "I need them, or I'll die" skinny jeans and after I went to B&N to buy three more of Sedaris' "I need them, or I'll die" books). My sister tried to sample some pineapple they had on a table (it was Safeway's grand reopening) when this black man stopped her by swooshing her greedy hands away with his arms. The guy was wearing a Chef's hat, but my sister had mistaken the guy from the back as an Indian man with a turban on his head. I wasn't really paying attention, until the man (who was actually an employee) asked me in a heavy accent, "Are you a MAHHHHHN?" I stared at him stupidly for about ten seconds, wondering to myself if I looked like a man to him. He then said again, "Are you a MAHHHHN?" in that retarded accent. He sounded Jamaican from the way he said man. I stood there insulted and said, "Am I a man?" My sister than whispered next to me, "He asked, are you a minor?"

We chuckled about that after receiving our complementary pineapple slices. But I was still secretly nurturing the wound I had received from thinking that someone had thought I was a man.

On a side note, don't you think it's weird that when people laugh so hard they cry, but when people cry so hard they laugh? I was thinking about that while in the shower today.