Spring Pools by Robert Frost
These pools that, though in forests, still reflect
The total sky almost without defect,
And like the flowers beside them, chill and shiver,
Will like the flowers beside them soon be gone,
And yet not out by any brook or river,
But up by roots to bring dark foliage on.
The trees that have it in their pent-up buds
To darken nature and be summer woods---
Let them think twice before they use their powers
To blot out and drink up and sweep away
These flowery waters and these watery flowers
From snow that melted only yesterday.

I have never seen a field of flowers. The only close resemblance I’ve seen are within cemeteries, fields against fields of colorful flowers both fake and real, slowly fading and wilting under the sun.

My dad’s birthday is in a few days. For the first time in over five years I visited his grave. A bouquet of fresh flowers occupied the passenger’s seat. Somehow I knew that these flowers weren’t enough. I was alone, and as I parked my car against the curb—I cried. There were so many graves—so many forgotten flowers—that I was afraid that I couldn’t find my own dad against hundreds of others.

His grave had the whitest of flowers; the sun and years had faded the hues of yellows and pinks of the flowers marking his grave into a stark white.

I cried, and I cried, and I cried. But it was not only an act of grief. It was for the years, the “un-given” flowers, the unvisited graves. It was for all the times I promised I’d visit, and I hadn’t. It was for the times I had wanted to bring someone I loved with me—someone real to hold as I cried over what was now dust, this unmet wanting to introduce him to my dad. It was for innocence, for humanity, for regret, for love. It was for remembering. After I finally stopped, I just sat next to my dad, and I wrote him a letter. Both sun and wind touched my face with unseen hands. It was the perfect day. It was time not only to forgive others, but forgive myself.

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It’s been rough these days. And, I'm sorry sorry sorry about the last two sad posts. But—I’m going to try to fulfill the purpose of this blog which is to somehow bring at least a little “teehee” to everyday moments. So--! A friend gave me a great idea on a “30-Day Tumblr Challenge.” This isn’t Tumblr, but same concept? After this “challenge,” I’ll probably just go back my old, everyday posts with a BAM!

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.